It's Time To Light the Lights
by nb41
Summary: Thor is introduced to Muppets, and Clint fails to think his clever plans all the way through.


Originally for this prompt at comment_fic: 'Five Sentences, MCU, Thor (+ Steve) + Darcy, introducing the Muppets'. I wanted to do a bit more and rope in a few other people. The original five sentences are still in here, but modified somewhat.

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><p>Thor inspected the plush version of himself with a critical eye. "These are curious toys." He turned it over in his hands, paying special attention to the fuzzy gray, brown, and silver-threaded Mjölnir. "I take it they are meant for small children?"<p>

"Yeah," Darcy said. "Like," she gestured down around her knees, "really small. The kind who eat things they shouldn't and then choke on them." She flicked plush-Natasha's felt eyes for emphasis. "No hard plastic parts, just soft stuff."

Thor made an 'ah' sound and set his likeness next to plush-Steve, trading the toy for the rather lengthy licensing agreement it came with. Steve was sitting next to him on the sectional looking over plush-Hulk, and Clint was at the breakfast bar finding new and inventive ways to pit plush-Tony against plush-Clint.

As Thor flipped through the pages, he said, "Are they are somehow different from the other soft toys made to resemble us, that they require a separate contract?"

Darcy said, "Different company, different contract. The last one didn't cover this age range and wasn't specific to this style of toy, so the new contract won't conflict with it."

Thor made a low sound and focused on reading. He always insisted on going over anything they signed word for word. Darcy wondered if someone on another planet had tricked him into a bad deal at some point. (The answer to that was probably yes and no doubt involved dragons, trolls, and beheading someone or something unsavory.)

Clint punched plush-Tony with plush-Clint's soft bow. (He'd complained earlier that they'd left out the bowstring.) "I was kind of hoping we'd hold out for Muppets," he said absently.

"You would have preferred a different artisan make your toy-likeness?" Thor said, looking over his shoulder at Clint.

In a tone which brooked no argument, Clint replied, "Muppet-Hawkeye would be the most awesome thing ever."

"I'm pretty sure you mean _second_ most awesome thing ever, _after_ Muppet-Black Widow," Darcy said. Clint paused, then shrugged and nodded. (And KO'd plush-Tony.)

Thor glanced between them. "A Muppet is a special sort of toy?"

Steve said, "Muppets are puppets from the Muppet Show."

Thor frowned. "This is a primer for teaching children?"

"That's Sesame Street," Steve said. "Which also has Muppets. The Muppet Show is more for general entertainment. They pop up on TV sometimes for a laugh, and there's been a few movies." He set down plush-Hulk and picked up plush-Sam. (Stark had given the designers a sneak peak at Sam's new wings so they'd be more inclined to make his plush likeness red and white rather than olive drab and gray.)

Thor had that expression he got when he was trying to imagine what his human friends were describing. Darcy said, "Hey, JARVIS. Can you pull up some Muppet Show clips?"

"Yes, Ms. Lewis. Would you like anything specific?"

"Just whatever."

"Of course. One moment..."

The TV screen flared to life and flipped through a handful of images before settling on a kitchen with two pumpkin Muppets watching a cook Muppet.

"Oh, yeah," Clint said. He left off his abuse of plush-Tony and joined them by the sectional. "Swedish Chef. You should get a kick out of him. He only talks in gibberish."

Thor blinked at Clint and turned his attention to the TV, leaning forward with an expression of intense concentration. The Chef launched into a tirade—per the season it concerned making pumpkin pie, to the horror of two Muppet pumpkin onlookers—and Thor grinned. He procured a pumpkin chocolate chip cookie from the plate Bruce had left on the coffee table and settled back. Between bites, he said, "You cannot understand this cook?"

Darcy and Steve exchanged incredulous looks. Clint folded his arms. "No," Darcy said, and moved to stand between Thor and the TV. "What's he saying?"

Thor raised his eyebrows and finished off the last of his cookie. "It would spoil the mystery to simply tell you." He went to take another, but Darcy scooped up the plate just ahead of him.

"Oh no you don't," she said. Thor tried his pouting face, and Darcy raised her chin in defiance. Steve hid a grin behind plush-Sam and Clint smirked.

Thor relented. "He is explaining that one must bake the pumpkins first, then combine them with the necessary ingredients and bake them again, in order to create the dessert in question." He paused and tilted his head (presumably to listen since he couldn't see the screen through Darcy) and added, "And he is assuring the other two they are, of course, exempted from this fate. Though I am uncertain of his sincerity in this regard."

Clint's humor morphed into skepticism. He squinted at Thor. "How can you be getting any of that from this? There's no language there to understand."

Thor shook his head. "He is still communicating, and the Allspeak can discern a great many forms of communication."

Darcy gazed around the room. "Are you saying you can communicate with—" she pointed at a bronze sculpture depicting a herd of wild horses, "—animals?"

Thor eyed the plate of cookies meaningfully. Darcy groaned and set it back on the table. (Steve grabbed one too.)

After he'd had his second cookie, Thor said, "Those who are skilled with the Allspeak may do this. I cannot; my use of it is too rudimentary."

"Rudimentary, but you can still make out fake words?" Steve said.

"If there is the intent to communicate behind them, then yes, I may. Though the accuracy of the translation is not guaranteed." He leaned over so he could see around Darcy and watched the Swedish Chef's antics for a few seconds. "His gestures appear to coincide with what he says."

"Now you're just fucking with us," Clint said. He snapped his fingers and pointed at the screen. "JARVIS. The Two-Headed Purple Monster. You know who that is?"

"A search will provide me with—"

"Put a clip up on the TV."

"Certainly. One moment..."

Darcy said, "Two-Headed Purple Monster is from Sesame Street. And they sound out and spell human words all the time."

Clint rolled his eyes. "They're still a Muppet, and still speaking gibberish when they're not speaking," he waved a hand, "actual language."

The screen jumped from the Swedish Chef to the purple, shag-haired, two-headed monster Muppet. They blathered on in their non-language for a short spell before putting together the word 'love' and singing it in a nonsensical song. Thor watched the clip for nearly a minute, his face impassive. Then he looked askance at Clint and smiled.

Clint glared at him. "There is _no way_ they're saying anything you can understand."

"No?" Thor said around a laugh.

"No."

Thor helped himself to another cookie. "Why not?"

Clint gestured at the TV. "Because those aren't real words!"

"You can really understand what he's saying?" Steve asked with the raised eyebrow of 'come on now, you wouldn't pull one over on Captain America, would you?' (And boy, did Darcy have news for Steve Rogers about that.)

Thor just grinned at him. Steve laughed and shook his head, and Clint rolled his eyes.

"This is bullshit, you can't actually understand what they're saying. You're just doing this to mess with us."

Feigning emotional anguish was one of Thor's worst (or best, depending on your perspective) acts, and he pulled it now, putting a hand to his chest. "My friend, your accusation wounds me."

"Yeah I bet," Clint said. "I'm going to get Nat to talk to you in nothing but gibberish for a week. She can do that on the fly. We'll see how well you understand her."

"As long as she talks to the rest of us normally," Steve said.

Clint snagged himself a cookie. "No promises."

With a sly, dangerous smile, Thor said, "I look forward to this challenge."

"Ho boy," Darcy murmured to herself.

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><p>A few days later Darcy was waiting with Pepper, Maria, and Jane in a conference room when Clint's voice drifted in the half-open door from the hall. "You can't understand what she's saying!"<p>

Pepper looked alarmed and started to get up, but Darcy waved her down. "It's fine, probably his clever plan is just backfiring," she said, and plucked a samosa from the rapidly diminishing pile.

Pepper reseated herself. Between bites of chicken tikka masala, she asked, "Clever plan?" Maria was leaning in her chair, trying to see out into the hall.

"He said he was going to have Natasha speak to Thor in gibberish for a week."

Slowly, Jane said, "Why?"

"Because Thor says his language trick can translate gibberish and Clint doesn't believe him."

Pepper and Maria exchanged knowing looks. Natasha came into the room and shut the door against Clint saying (presumably to Thor), "That's not what she said, she didn't say _anything_ because those weren't w—"

Natasha sat down and began piling rice and jalfrezi onto a paper plate while the rest of them watched in amused silence. Eventually, Maria said, "Enjoying yourself?"

Natasha claimed the last cup of lassi and sipped from it. "You have _no_ idea," she said, radiating satisfaction.

Darcy grinned and finished off her samosa. "So. _Are_ you actually saying anything interesting?"

"All kinds of interesting things."

Pepper arched an eyebrow. "Such as?"

Natasha smiled.


End file.
